If They Like You, You’ll Know. Here Are the Signs.

Let’s talk about one of the biggest dating questions on the planet:

“Do they actually like me?”

Analysis paralysis! You’ve asked your friends, screenshotted the conversation and probably sent it to the group chat for further investigation. Did they use a full stop? Why did they say “haha” instead of “hahaha”? Why did they take three hours to reply but watch your Instagram story in a few seconds? He’s seen my message, and now you keep checking for a reply. Jesus Christ, dating is exhausting. 😂

But here’s the thing. If someone genuinely likes you, you shouldn’t feel anxious and start turning into a detective. If this is happening consistently, hate to tell you, but they’re probably not that keen. In saying that, there are always anomalies. Something might have happened, like a medical emergency and so forth, but you can’t give that grace to everyone. Read the signs.

If you’re not great at picking up cues, you should read Cues by Vanessa Van Edwards. These are skills you can learn.

That doesn’t mean there’s one magical behaviour that proves someone is interested. People communicate differently. Some people love texting, some hate it. Some people will call you three times a day, while others would rather see you in person. Some people are naturally more reserved, particularly at the beginning of dating. Some like voice notes, and some just like sending snaps.

Let me pause here for a moment. If someone is sending you snaps but not articulating that they want to see you and when, that is not a sign they like you! Let’s make that clear. Social media validation gives you a dopamine hit, and if it’s not something you’re into, don’t play into it. Learn to set your boundaries and also stay true to them.

So no, I’m not going to tell you that someone has to text you every morning at 7am or they’re not interested.

What I am going to tell you is to look at the pattern.

When someone genuinely likes you, you’ll usually see some combination of effort, consistency, curiosity and intention. It might look different from person to person, but there will generally be some movement towards you.

So, what does actually liking someone look like?

They message you

This seems obvious, but apparently we need to discuss it.

If someone likes you, they want some form of contact with you. They don’t necessarily need to text you every five minutes or send you a bloody “good morning beautiful” every day, but you’ll hear from them.

They’ll start conversations, respond to yours, send you something because it reminded them of you, or check in to see how your day is going. They’ll find little reasons to stay connected, even if they aren’t naturally a big texter.

The important thing is that you’re not constantly having to pull communication out of them with tweezers.

And this applies to everyone. If a woman likes you, she’ll likely find reasons to talk to you too. If a man likes you, same deal. If you’re dating someone of the same sex, exactly the same principle applies.

Different people have different communication styles, but interest usually creates some desire for connection.

They want to see you

This is a big one.

Someone who likes you generally wants to spend time with you. Not just “we should hang out sometime”, but actually making it happen.

There’s a massive difference between someone saying, “I’d love to see you sometime,” and someone saying, “Are you free Thursday?” or “When are you back from your trip?” or “Let’s grab dinner this weekend.”

One is a nice sentiment. The other is an actual attempt to see you.

A plan has a day, a time and usually a location.

If you’re constantly having conversations with someone who supposedly likes you, but somehow you can never get them to actually meet you, pay attention to that. Attraction without action doesn’t get you very far.

They schedule another date

If the first date goes well, someone who is genuinely interested will usually give you some indication that they want there to be a next time.

They might say it directly: “I had a great time. I’d love to see you again.” They might ask when you’re free. They might start talking about something you could do together next time, or even book something.

It doesn’t matter exactly how they do it. What matters is that there is movement towards another date.

You shouldn’t have to sit there for three weeks wondering whether they enjoyed themselves while they apparently deliberate over the decision. If it’s taken them that long, most likely they have directed their attention elsewhere or are juggling multiple dates. Don’t be a fool.

If they like you and want to keep dating you, you’ll generally get some indication of that.

They check in throughout the day

Again, this isn’t a requirement. Some people genuinely aren’t big texters. Some people work long hours, have demanding jobs or simply put their phone down and get on with their lives.

But when someone is interested, they’ll often find little ways to stay connected.

Maybe it’s a quick “How’s your day going?” Maybe they send you a random meme, a photo of what they’re doing or a message saying, “This reminded me of you.” Maybe they check in after something important you told them about.

Those little things matter because they show that you’re on their mind.

It’s not about the number of messages. It’s about the desire to connect.

They start calling you

Now we’re getting serious. 😂

If someone who normally texts starts calling you, that’s usually a pretty good sign, especially when the call isn’t purely logistical.

They’re calling because they want to hear your voice. They want to talk. They want connection.

And honestly, I think this is one of the nicest signs of genuine interest because calling requires a little more intention than firing off a two-word text while you’re standing at Coles.

If someone is making an effort to actually spend time talking to you, rather than simply keeping a conversation alive through occasional messages, that can tell you quite a bit.

They remember things you’ve told them

You mentioned your big presentation was on Tuesday? They ask how it went.

You told them your sister was visiting? They remember.

You said you love Italian food? Suddenly they’re suggesting an Italian restaurant for your next date.

That’s interest.

Because they’re not just waiting for their turn to talk. They’re paying attention.

Someone who is genuinely interested in getting to know you will usually retain some of the little details you share. Not every single thing, obviously, because we’re dating humans, not elephants, but the things that matter to you tend to stick.

And there’s something really attractive about someone remembering something you mentioned weeks ago and bringing it up later. It shows they were actually listening.

They make an effort to know you

There’s a difference between someone being attracted to you and someone being interested in you.

They ask questions. They want to know what you like, what you do, what makes you laugh, what you’re passionate about and what your life actually looks like.

They’re curious about your opinions, your experiences and the things that make you who you are.

They don’t just want access to your body, your attention or your validation.

They want to know the person attached to it.

That distinction is fucking important.

They let you into their life

As things progress, genuine interest often means you start becoming part of their world.

They might introduce you to friends, mention you to family, invite you along to something they’re doing or start telling you more about what’s happening in their life.

It doesn’t mean you need to meet their mother after date three. 😂

But over time, you should start seeing evidence that you’re becoming part of their actual life, not just their dating-app life.

If someone consistently keeps you in a little separate bubble where you only exist between dates, that’s worth noticing.

They make space for you

This one is seriously underrated.

People are busy. Everyone has work, friends, family, gym, hobbies and approximately 47 things competing for their attention.

But when someone genuinely likes you, they usually find some space.

That doesn’t mean they’re available every time you want to see them. Life happens. They might genuinely have a crazy week, be travelling, have work commitments or already have plans.

The question is whether they’re trying to make it work.

There’s a big difference between, “I’m slammed this week, but I’m free Sunday afternoon. Want to grab lunch?” and “Sorry, just really busy at the moment.”

One person is busy.

The other is unavailable.

Their actions match their words

This might be the biggest sign of all.

They say they want to see you, then they make plans. They say they like talking to you, then they call. They say they’re interested, then they behave like someone who is interested.

Consistency is sexy.

Not because someone has to be perfect, but because you aren’t left constantly wondering which version of them you’re going to get.

If their words say one thing and their behaviour repeatedly says another, believe the pattern.

But what if they’re just not a big texter?

This is where I don’t want to give you the bullshit dating advice that says, “If they don’t text you every day, they’re not interested.”

That’s nonsense.

Some people genuinely aren’t big texters. Some prefer phone calls. Some prefer seeing you in person. Some are busy during the day and disappear into work.

So don’t measure interest by one behaviour.

Look at the overall pattern.

Maybe they barely text during the day but call you every night. Maybe they don’t message constantly but organise a date every weekend. Maybe they’re not great with words but they’re incredibly consistent with their actions.

Look for effort!

That’s much more useful.

And this applies to everyone

Men can pursue. Women can pursue. Women can ask someone out. Men can be shy. Same-sex couples can have completely different dynamics. One person might naturally be more forward while the other takes a little longer to open up.

There are no universal rules about who should text first, who should ask for the second date or who should make the first move.

But there is one thing I do think applies across the board:

Interest creates movement.

When someone likes you, there is usually some movement towards you. More communication, more effort, more curiosity, more time together and more intention.

It doesn’t have to happen at exactly the same pace as you would do it. You might be someone who wants to see a person three times a week, while they’re perfectly happy seeing you once a week.

That’s fine.

What matters is whether you can actually feel them moving towards you too.

You shouldn’t feel like you’re standing completely still while desperately trying to convince yourself they’re moving.

And here’s where we need to talk about mixed signals

Because this is where people get themselves into trouble.

“But they said they really like me.”

Okay.

What are they doing?

“They said they’re not ready for a relationship.”

Okay.

Believe them.

“They say they’re really busy, but they message me at midnight.”

Interesting.

“They tell me they miss me but never make plans.”

Breadcrumbing…

You don’t need to decode someone perfectly. You simply need to pay attention to the overall picture.

Listen to what they say, but watch what they consistently do.

Words matter. Actions matter. The combination matters most.

And if someone repeatedly tells you they want one thing but behaves in a completely different way, stop trying to explain their behaviour for them.

You always allow them the excuses, or when you find them attractive, of course you want them! But you can’t be with someone who doesn’t want YOU!

So, do they like you?

Look at the pattern.

Are they contacting you? Are they making plans? Are they following through? Are they curious about you? Are they remembering things? Are they making space for you? Are they showing you that they want to see you again? Are their actions matching their words?

If the answer is yes, congratulations. You probably don’t need to call me. Just commit to this one. 😂

But if you’re constantly asking yourself, “Do they like me?”, “Are they interested?”, “Why haven’t they asked me out?”, “Why do they disappear for three days?” or “Why am I always the one initiating?”, then maybe the question isn’t “How do I get them to like me?”

Maybe it’s:

“Why am I working this fucking hard to convince myself they do?”

Because you’re a catch.

And the right person shouldn’t leave you spending your evenings conducting a forensic analysis of a three-word text.

Interest should feel like interest.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to look exactly like your version of dating. It doesn’t have to involve constant texting or grand romantic gestures.

But there should be something.

Effort. Curiosity. Consistency. Intention. Movement.

You shouldn’t have to chase someone into liking you.

You should be paying attention to whether you actually like the way they’re showing up for you.

Because that’s the part of dating we forget far too often.

Stop asking, “Do they choose me?”

Start asking, “Are they someone I want to choose?”